The Five Fingered Discount Feels Cheap
by sandalaris22
Summary: There's something...not right about her. Friendship!fic, but kind of shippy if you squint.


**A/N: I can't believe I'm doing this, but hopefully it'll be short so that I can get it out of my head and move on.**

**Spoilers: Season 1, episode 11, named "12-Steps." Although my A/N holds quite a few spoilers on its own.**

**I saw my first episode of Leverage a few weeks ago (the one where they have to steal a mountain…again) and as soon as Eliot told Parker that they were the only ones cold enough to not bring the body back and think I pretty much became a bit of an Eliot/Parker shipper. **

**Then after a bored-nothings-on-TV-I'll-check-out-the-On-Demand mini marathon of roughly six episodes of season 4 I decided I was hooked and promptly found and watched the show from the beginning. I know now that Hardison/Parker is the canon couple, but my little shipper heart seemed set on Eliot/Parker and (whereas the other two are cute together) wouldn't stop pointing out all their little shippy moments. (Plus, looking up fanwork for canon couples is never as interesting as the non-canon ones.)**

**To my very high chagrin, I've only seen through episode 11 of season one, last two episodes of season 3 and the first (roughly) six episodes of season 4 and therefore this is going to be considered an AU, because I don't like not getting a tiny fixable fact wrong just because I didn't' see an episode. (But the plot bunny bit hard here and won't let go.)**

**NOW IF YOU SKIPPED ALL THAT PLEASE READ AT LEAST THIS. This is inspired by Eliot being unhappy with happypill!Parker while Hardison "kind of like this Parker." I don't have anything against Hardison, but that just struck a chord with me and so here it is.**

They went back to fetch their thief, and maybe a bit out of curiosity on his and Hardison's part, but the main point was to get a part of their team back.

"Anti-depressants?" It was the third time the hacker had asked the question, and Eliot was surprisingly not-aggravated at this, which was a little aggravating.

"Yeah," replied Nate airily, nodding his head a few times as he looked on at the stone building.

The hitter blinked slightly in surprise at the figure sprinting towards them, plastic bag caught in her hands. There was something distinctly…not right about the widely smiling Parker.

"I missed you guys."

Before he had a chance to reply to that statement with a proper response, Eliot had his arms full of giggling, smiling thief.

"Oh, ok. When do the happy pills wear off?" He half ignores the blonde's continued yammering, focusing on their leader as he tells it'll be twenty-four hours before they get their Parker back. He fights the eye roll at Hardison's declaration liking of "this Parker." Hardison's young and male and, like the Serbian, was attracted to the package enough to ignore the crazy with-in.

The pill-popping thief released their other team mate long enough to throw one arm around each of the young men's shoulders, babbling away about how much she _missed _them and very likely tangling the ends of his hair. She's surprisingly strong, keeping a firm hold even as he turns to catch the plastic bag containing her personal effects from Nate. He could break the hold, twist out from under her arm easily and away from the too close bodies and unwanted contact, but she's hanging onto Hardison as well, the younger man eating up every happy word spilled from her still smiling lips, and they really shouldn't leave the not-right Parker alone with someone who actually likes her like this.

She's probably less annoying, more of the over excited cheerleader like this, but the pills will wear off and Hardison's still at that stage where you don't realize all the pretty wrapping in the world isn't enough to keep a man around if the present isn't as good. Aimee wasn't the most beautiful girl Eliot had seen, wasn't even the hottest he'd had sex with, but she was attractive and feisty and stubborn as hell and at the end of the day she was the only girl he'd ever truly given thought to settling down with.

* * *

><p>It's six hours into it and Eliot's had to escape three times to get a break from the Parker currently in their office. So far she's refused to eat cereal for dinner(<em>"It's a breakfast food."<em>), lifted something from each of them (and then proceeded to give the items back with sheepish grins and "I'm sorry's") and went into the bathroom to change and Eliot's nerves became frayed even more with each un-Parker action. He'd almost rather she'd kept his car keys.

"Gotta say, I definitely miss her changing in front of us." Hardison is leaning back in one of the conference table's chairs, head tilted towards the open office door where Parker sits, long legs stretched out in front of her covered in cotton skin hugging black pants. Yoga pants, he believes they're called. On her face is a wide, easy grin, laughing at something Sophie says and the hitter rolls his eyes in annoyance before responding.

"This Parker definitely has…" _less confidence_ "…more tact than the other."

She looks over at them, smiling her "I'm about to jump off the roof of a fifteen story building with nothing but a rope and harness I designed myself" grin and Eliot feels his annoyance grow.

"She looks… prettier when she smiles," Hardison says after a moment before turning back to the hitter. "I mean, she's always been hot, but…" He shrugs as he trails off, already distracted by whatever's currently on the laptop in front of him and Eliot wonders absently what the real Parker would say if one of them told her she's pretty when she smiles. He knows what this one will do; exactly what every other woman does, give a small grin with a faint blush and thanks. But Parker's unpredictable. Maybe she'd throw a chair at his head, or give him a teeth baring mockery of a grin. Maybe she'd just stare at him expressionlessly just long enough to make it uncomfortable before turning and walking away without a word.

* * *

><p>She finds him alone in the front office, contemplating another quick breakescape, and he can hear her wander over, which is unnerving on a whole other level. She bumps his shoulder with her's before absently picking up a pen. Something to occupy her hands with, he's sure; one of Sophie's tricks to keep her sneaky fingers from finding their way into other people's pockets.

"You know," he begins, taking a small step away from the girl, "you're a lot more touchy like this."

"I know," she says, giving him yet another smile. "My therapist says I shy away from physical contact due to the abuse from my foster father. I'm trying to correct it."

"I think you're over correcting." The words are out before he fully gets a chance to think about them, he's never been one for physical contact of the casual kind, unless it was leading up to or was part of sex, but overall, Parker's not touching any of them any more than the average young woman her age, just more than what the original Parker generally prefers.

The klepto takes a moment to think on it, nodding after second. "Perhaps. But it's better than not trying to fix the issue at all, isn't it?"

Eliot just rolls his eyes, taking another step back, noting absentmindedly that she's nowhere near crowding his personal space, before picking up his beer bottle and taking a swig.

"Maybe we should hold an intervention for Nate. He's clearly not facing his dependency on alcohol-"

"Maybe we should leave Nate be." His words are harsh, his aggravation showing through in his features and he sees the blonde's slight expression of shock, mixed with something resembling hurt, before she nods slowly, turning and walking from the room with a small wave good-bye and slightly forced smile. He likes the forced better than any of the others.

* * *

><p>Thieves are notoriously night owls, for obvious reasons, and their cases usually have the entire teams working long into the evening, so it's nearly 3 am by the time the last of them start trickling home. Hardison left just after midnight, talking about his Nana checking on him and Nate had long since left from home and a fresh bottle.<p>

Sophie's arm is around a yawning Parker's shoulder, steering the young girl out of the building and to her place for the night and the thief's bouncing happiness at the thought of a "slumber party," something she apparently never had as a child, makes the older man itch to get away. Even their grifter seems troubled by Parker's new found happy place.

"See you two tomorrow." He exchanges looks with Sophie over the blonde's head, seeing the motherly concern reflected in her eyes and wonders absently why it is she never had children. If it was her career, or perhaps something else, since she sure adopted their two youngest crew mates fast.

"Bye, Eliot." And even in its sleepy state, Parker's voice is still too chipper as she gives him another easy smile.

His jaw clenches slightly and he lets out a snort before turning and walking in the other direction.

* * *

><p>He's in the office the next day by 8 am (he doesn't sleep much), and there's no new case, but there's a game today (his TV sucks compared to the one here) and he's sure he'll have to take his part of Parker-sitting at some point, since he and Sophie seems to be the only ones able (read qualified.)<p>

He has his beer set and snack bowl before him when the girls walk in, Parker already looking back to normal self if the nearly zoned-out look is anything to go by. They still have another four hours before it's due to officially be out of her system, but Eliot figures the thief's metabolism is most likely higher due to genetics and (probably) a regular exercise routine; he's seen what she eats and she's changed in front of them often enough from him to know there's no hidden body fat anywhere on her slim figure.

They exchange greetings, Parker giving another easy grin with hers, before the irritated hitter turns back to watching men tackle each other over a leather ball. It's soothing.

His game time is soon interrupted by Sophie entering the room. "I'm going out to run a few errands." The "watch her" is left unspoken, but Eliot nods anyway.

This Parker is surprisingly quiet during the game, sitting next to him and munching on his chips as she watches the screens.

"I don't get the deal between men and sports," she says during a commercial.

"You don't get the deal between women and shoes," he replies lightly. He stands quickly before she can possibly respond with some non-Parker comment about finally understanding her gender's obsession with footwear, using his escape to grab another case of beer.

By noon she's showing more signs of being back to her old self, pouring a bowl of cereal to munch on instead of stealing his Cheetos and before one she's already started giving him inane little comments on the game.

They hit the twenty-third hour of Parker's drug induced mood alteration when he finally deems the young thief her once more non-normal self and starts to gather his stuff to leave.

He's out the door and half way down the hall before curiosity overcomes him and he turns back. She's sitting on the floor, legs crossed Indian style and a slight pout marring her features as she stares at the plant that usually occupies her declared office space.

"Hey, Parker." She looks up, expression sharpening as she gives him her attention. "You're pretty when you smile."

**A/N: And finished. Wow, less than three hours, with frequent breaks. But then again, this is short. Like way short, as you can tell. So, I realize that I may have made some mistakes, gotten some facts wrong that were probably in episodes that I haven't seen.**

**This also turned out to be more of a friendship!fic, but for my first shot at this fandom, I don't think I did too badly.**

**Reviews=Love**


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